How to Build Character

What can you do to become a better person?

So, you want to become a better person. You want to build “character.” But what does that mean exactly? Character comes from the Greek word kharakter, meaning “to engrave.” When someone has character, they’re trustworthy, honest, humble, dependable, and courageous—they have every positive personality trait in the book! Building character doesn’t happen overnight; it’s something you gain from experience. We’ll fill you in on the best ways you can start building your character in this article. With our help and a bit of dedication, you can become the person you want to be.

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• See failure as an opportunity to grow rather than a mistake to build character from every experience.
• Communicate and have empathetic conversations with everyone to gain trust and learn different perspectives.
• Do things that make you uncomfortable to step outside your comfort zone, experience new things, and learn valuable lessons.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Take risks and accept failure.

1. Character is built when you face the possibility of failure. Failure is inevitable, but you don’t have to fear it! Use risks and failures as life lessons—you haven’t lost something; you’ve gained knowledge and experience. Take a risk every once and while. If you fail, accept it; after all, the best thing you can do is try.^[1]
   
   • Put yourself out there. Approach that cute barista and ask for their number, or volunteer to take on a challenging task at work. Every challenge offers a new opportunity to learn.
   • Look for reasons to act. Instead of making excuses for why you shouldn’t do something, think of why you want to do something. For instance, apply to your dream school because you imagine yourself going there instead of skipping the application because you’re probably not qualified.

[Edit]Surround yourself with people you admire.

1. Believe it or not, the character of the people around you rubs off on you. Think about who you respect—a father, mother, grandparent, teacher, or friend. What makes them admirable? Why do you respect them? Is there a quality in them you wish you had? Pay attention to what makes this person commendable and successful—what can you do to become the same?^[2]
   
   • For example, say you admire how your best friend can always speak their mind. Maybe you can gain the same skill by vocalizing your opinions or speaking more in class.
   • Hang out with people older than you. Older generations may have a different perspective than you, but you never know what stories or lessons you’ll learn.
   • Make friends with someone different from you. Everyone has a story, and you can learn a lot from people who have a different story from your own. So, broaden your social circle and talk to people you may not normally talk to.

[Edit]Step outside of your comfort zone.

1. Putting yourself in uncomfortable situations helps build character. Take a chance and gradually start doing things you normally wouldn’t do. Volunteer at a food bank, attend a concert for a band you don’t know, or take the scenic route home. The more you push yourself, the more you’ll grow.^[3]
   
   • When finding ways to get out of your comfort zone, think about things you liked when you were younger. You might go back to an old hobby, for instance, or try something you used to think would never be possible.^[4]

[Edit]Take on an uncomfortable job at least once.

1. Having a difficult job you don’t enjoy can help you learn patience and empathy. Not every job is fun, and that’s okay! Why? Because it builds character. So, sign up to clean up after the school dance or apply for a job flipping burgers. Having a difficult job not only helps you gain life experience, but it also gives you an opportunity to learn about other people's struggles.
   
   • For instance, you’ll never truly understand the hardships of someone working in a fast-food restaurant until you do it yourself.

[Edit]Empathize with other people and their situations.

1. Learning to empathize will make you a better person. When you empathize with someone, you understand and identify with their feelings. Not only does this help you build trust with others, but it also helps you be approachable, which are both excellent personality traits to have.^[5]
   
   • Let’s say a friend skips out on plans last minute. Instead of being upset with them, you can show empathy by reassuring them that you can reschedule and asking how they’re doing physically and mentally.
   • To put it in perspective, Abraham Lincoln handled setbacks and practiced patience by showing kindness and empathy, even with his enemies.^[6]

[Edit]Be supportive.

1. Someone with strong character is always there to lend a helping hand. Say a friend or family member is going through a rough patch. Rather than ignoring them, offer your assistance. The best thing you can do is show them you’re always there for them, even if they don’t accept the help right away.
   
   • See if you can pick up their groceries, drive them to work, or mow their lawn. Consider what needs to get done, and ask if you can help.
   • A “helping hand” doesn’t have to be something physical. Tell your loved one they can call you at any time to vent—you’ll be ready with an open ear!

[Edit]Stay humble and kind.

1. Kindness and humility are important traits to develop. There’s no denying that the world isn’t always the kindest place; however, even when life challenges you, try your best to be nice. Let peace win over anger, and avoid making judgments. Think of it this way: if you put good vibes out into the world, positive energy will find you in return.^[7]
   
   • For instance, let’s say your little sister steals your shirt. Even though you're angry and annoyed, take a deep breath and approach the situation calmly. Maybe you ask why she needs the shirt or offer a fair trade.
   • Along with being kind to others, it’s also just as important to be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself positively and reframe negative thoughts. For example, “I look awful today” can be changed to, “I had fun with my friends last night and didn’t get much sleep. It’s okay that I look a little tired.”^[8]

[Edit]Mange your emotions.

1. Learn to control how you react when you're upset. Getting angry or upset is inevitable, but building character is all about controlling those emotions. Learn to manage your emotions through one or more of these destressing activities:^[9]
   
   • Journal
   • Yoga
   • Run or walk
   • Play video games
   • Listen to music

[Edit]Chat with all types of people.

1. A person of character can communicate openly and honestly with everyone. So, sit down and have a conversation with a stranger. Who knows? You may just learn something new and make a new friend. After all, the best leaders create environments where people feel safe to express their opinions.^[10]
   
   • Even the simplest conversation can make someone’s day and improve your self-esteem. Talk to the barista when you grab your morning coffee, or ask the cashier at the grocery store how their day is going.
   • Reserve venting about your emotions for trusted loved ones. Opening up about deeply personal issues with a stranger could be dangerous because you’ve just met them.

[Edit]Lose graciously.

1. Being a good person isn’t dependent on winning. Believe it or not, the best leaders and people are open to losing. Learn to accept your losses by shrugging off your failures, admitting defeat, and trying again.^[11]
   
   • Think of a loss as a new beginning rather than a missed opportunity. For instance, getting third place in a race is still a huge success, and now you know what you need to improve on to get that gold medal next time.
   • Start small by practicing how you react when you lose a board game or get a bad test score. Keep your chin up, focus on what you can do better, and avoid lashing out.
   • While it's important to be a good loser, it’s also important to be a good winner. Skip the bragging and be humble to demonstrate a strong character.

[Edit]Practice self-discipline.

1. Having high character is about doing the right thing. Some choices are easy, while others are hard. When 2 choices are pinned together, choose the right choice over the easier option to build your character. Think about your morals, listen to your gut, and discipline yourself. Try asking yourself, “What choice would be the most responsible and aligned with my goals?”^[12]
   
   • Remember, the more you push yourself, the stronger you’ll be. Even if the right choice is more difficult, you can accomplish it if you put your mind to it.
   • For example, say you get to choose between 2 projects at school or work. One of the assignments will take you a matter of hours—you’ve done plenty like it before. The other project, however, has multiple steps and new instructions. If you choose the more difficult project, you’ll enrich your skills and become stronger.

[Edit]Challenge yourself with difficult goals.

1. A person of character challenges themselves and others to be better. If you want to have a strong character, start by leading by example. Whether you’re at school or work, volunteer for additional projects and commit to doing them correctly. Staying accountable and challenging yourself mentally and/or physically can help you become a stronger and more responsible person.^[13]
   
   • In school, challenge yourself to do the best work possible, even if that doesn’t mean getting a 100%.
   • At work, ask for extra responsibilities, stay late to finish a project, or go above and beyond with your notes. All in all, challenge yourself to make your work satisfactory.
   • At home, challenge yourself to complete a hobby in your free time. Write a book, learn to play guitar, or take on the 75 Soft Challenge.

[Edit]Be a doer, not a talker.

1. An easy way to grow your character is to be accountable. Take responsibility for your actions, and keep your promises. If you say you’re going to do something, do it! Make a to-do list every morning of what needs to get done, then aim to check everything off your list before you go to bed.
   
   • Set up a morning routine (or evening routine if you’re a night owl) to start the day on a positive note. A productive start can be enough to motivate you for the rest of the day.

[Edit]Let setbacks motivate you.

1. Failure is just a speed bump on the way to getting what you want. An easy way to build your character and drive is to continue pushing on despite setbacks. Let failure motivate you rather than discourage you. Take every obstacle as a new opportunity to grow.^[14]
   
   • For instance, say you didn’t win your tennis match. Instead of getting angry at yourself or your opponent, learn from your mistakes. Practice and train more so you can beat them next time.
   • Try thinking about failure mathematically. Each failure is just a wrong answer, eliminating one choice and bringing you closer to the right answer.

[Edit]Focus on guiding your own fate and decisions.

1. Strong character is about making your own decisions. In psychology, your perception of who or what governs your life is called Locus of Control. The term is divided into 2 categories: external locus and internal locus. Those with an external locus believe their behavior is controlled by fate or luck, whereas those with an internal locus believe they influence their own decisions and choices. Taking control of your life is an important part of developing character, so focus on making your own choices rather than letting other forces decide your fate.^[15]
   
   • For instance, rather than waiting for your crush to ask you out, walk up to them and make the first move.
   • Now, this isn’t to say fate and luck don’t have some say in how things work out. But relying heavily on external forces can hinder your ability to take responsibility for your actions, minimizing your character.

[Edit]Dream big and define your goals.

1. One of the best ways to build character is to chase your dreams. Take a moment to ask yourself, “What do I want in life?” If you want to be a musician, move to the big city, form a band, and start gigging. No dream is too big, as the journey to it can help you stay focused and become a better version of yourself.^[16]
   
   • Write down your short-term and long-term goals. What can you do to achieve them?
   • Your short-term goals may be writing a novel, getting an A on an essay, or signing up for a class.
   • Your long-term goals could be becoming a published author, graduating college, or learning a new language.

[Edit]Identify your purpose.

1. Understand what you want to become the person you want to be. Analyze your life goals—what do they all have in common? What’s the end goal? Think about how and what you’re interested in giving back to the world. Then, use that as a starting point for what to do next.^[17]
   
   • Say you want to graduate and become a nurse. Perhaps your life purpose is to care for others and save lives.
   • Maybe you want to be a journalist. Your purpose could be to advocate for others or showcase a different life perspective.

[Edit]Learn to recognize and embrace your defining moments.

1. Analyzing the past can help you grow. Think about a time when you were challenged physically or mentally—when was the last time you felt tested? This moment is a defining moment in your life. Recognizing these moments can help you understand your choices, grow from your mistakes, and become stronger.^[18]
   
   • For instance, let’s say you missed the winning shot of a basketball game. Recall how you reacted in that moment. Is there something you’d change about it? If so, can you make those changes to your character now?
   • Try to imagine all the possible outcomes of a given situation. If you're thinking about moving across the country to pursue a career in acting, what might happen? What will happen if you stay? Can you live with either outcome?

[Edit]Commit to self-improvement.

1. Building character isn’t something you learn overnight; it’s a life-long lesson. If you want to be someone others look to for inspiration, make an active effort to improve yourself day in and day out. Pick one thing you’d like to work on each day and be patient with yourself—self-improvement takes time.^[19]
   
   • For example, maybe you want to be a good listener. Focus on mindfully listening one day and asking insightful questions the next. Then, you can combine what you learned from both days to improve your listening skills.

[Edit]Tips

• Keep in mind that there is no easy path to the things you want. If you want to learn a skill or master something, it takes effort and dedication (which builds character).
• Use a journal or calendar to track your progress and see how far you’ve come.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Build Self Confidence
• Regain Confidence
• Build Self‐Control
• Develop Self‐Esteem
• Brag Without Being Arrogant

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.sdstate.edu/ness-school-management-and-economicsblog/importance-taking-risks
2. ↑ [v161309_b02]. 22 April 2020.
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201512/5-benefits-stepping-outside-your-comfort-zone
4. ↑ [v161309_b02]. 22 April 2020.
5. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/tracybrower/2021/09/19/empathy-is-the-most-important-leadership-skill-according-to-research/?sh=62a9b89b3dc5
6. ↑ http://www.inc.com/ilan-mochari/lincoln-lesson-setbacks.html
7. ↑ https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/kindness/kindness-matters-guide
8. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/04/kindness-happiness-negative-feedback/673862/
9. ↑ https://www.mhanational.org/helpful-vs-harmful-ways-manage-emotions
10. ↑ https://www.harvardbusiness.org/good-leadership-it-all-starts-with-trust/
11. ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/kidspost/losing-gracefully-is-one-of-the-most-important-lessons-from-playing-sports/2020/11/18/9faf1280-2386-11eb-8672-c281c7a2c96e_story.html
12. ↑ https://www.otero.edu/servicesandsupport/documents/ImportanceofDiscipline.pdf
13. ↑ https://www.hult.edu/blog/using-challenges-as-an-opportunity-to-build-character/
14. ↑ https://hbr.org/2019/07/use-failure-as-an-opportunity-to-reflect-on-your-strengths
15. ↑ https://www.usmcu.edu/Portals/218/What%20is%20Locus%20of%20Control%20by%20James%20Neill.pdf
16. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffboss/2017/01/19/5-reasons-why-goal-setting-will-improve-your-focus/?sh=674e2517534a
17. ↑ [v161309_b02]. 22 April 2020.
18. ↑ https://www.viacharacter.org/topics/articles/what-are-your-defining-moments
19. ↑ https://blogs.illinois.edu/view/8605/1833882347

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