Enabler: One that enables another to achieve an end; especially one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior.[1] To some degree, everyone can be an enabler. When one becomes an enabler, it can be destructive to themselves, to the person (or people) being enabled, and to the people around them. Read this article to learn how to recognize these behaviors.
EditSteps
- Know that it isn't just drinking or drugs that can be enabled.[2]
- Drinking too much
- Spending too much
- Overdrawing their bank account/bouncing checks
- Gambling too much
- In trouble with loan sharks/check cashing agencies
- Working too much/not enough
- Maxing out the credit cards
- Abusing drugs (prescription or street drugs)
- Getting arrested (you are bailing him/her out)
- Any of a number of other unhealthy behaviors/patterns of addiction
- Ask yourself the following questions:[3]
- Have you ever 'made an excuse' for someone, be it for work, school, or anything like that.
- Do you 'accept responsibility' for his/her behavior.
- Do you avoid the subject in fear of some type of confrontation?
- Have you 'bailed him out'? Jail, a bad situation, etc.
- Have you, or do you, pay their bills?
- Do you loan money or pay bills (whether or not you have it)?
- How many 'last chances' do you think you have given him/her?
- Have you threatened to leave or kick the person out, but you never do it?
- Do you find yourself completing their jobs/responsibilities?
- Do some introspection. Are you an enabler? Is there a 'reason' for it?
- You may 'need' to be there...'need' to help someone. It's a circle...the enabler allows you to enable, thereby enabling you. Someone has to make the decision.
- Understand that enabling is a co-dependent behavior, reinforced by the enabler's need to be needed.
- Think. Is there more pain, than not, in your relationship(s)?
- Decide. Until you make the decision to quit enabling, neither you, nor the person(s) being enabled, will truly be happy or complete.
- Acknowledge that you're an enabler.
- Make a decision to stop enabling.
- Take action, allow the enabled to go on their own so that the cycle doesn't continue.
EditWarnings
- They will not come to this realization as long as they are enabled.
- Understand that as long as you enable someone, they will never admit their culpability or responsibility? Only when forced to face it, will it begin to sink in.
EditRelated wikiHows
EditSources and Citations
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